So I guess this page or whatever is about me I guess. Kind of like a diary only it's on a computer and a guy is writing it. Ok so let's start. First off my grades a less then great. More like terrible, reason being HOMEWORK. That's the only reason I'm doing so bad in most of my classes. And I'm getting a lot of shit about it from my parents. So I'm just trying to stick it out until I kill myself or I turn 18 then my ass is out of here and I'm not ever going to talk to them again. Well I say that now but things might change. Also the only reason I haven't kill myself besides the fact that I can't kill myself unless I stick a knife into my chest and I'm to much of a pussy to do that. Also _________ is one of the reasons why I keep myself going. I don't know why but I like her more than most of the other girls I had a crush. I had a crush on them because they were hot. ________ is not only hot but she is amazing personality wise too. I'm happy when we are talking and constantly wait for until she responds to a text message of a message on facebook. But then when I'm at home I feel alone. When I am home alone she makes it feel like there is someone there. It makes me feel good. Well I guess I'm just an emotional pussy who is to chicken to ask someone out. Not only that but she is way out of my league also if I do ask her out what will happen when she says no. She usually hangs out with my friends. So when she says no I can't hang with them no more because it will be really awkward. Also it might crush our friendship. So ill keep things to myself and if I do get the nerve to ask her out (which will be senior year so it won't be as awkward). So ya anything she asks ill try my best to do. I really hope that she doesn't get the wrong idea or her boyfriend gets the wrong idea. Because I don't want the stuffing kicked out of me. So she is also one of the reasons I'm trying harder in school because if I do good I'll get a principals pass and we can go hang out whenever we want. But it easier said than done. Cause right now instead of venting my feelings to _________ and school and stuff I should be doing my homework. But it's just too long. FUCK. Next year I'm not fucking signing for fucking honors of what the fuck ever it's going to be called after this year. Because there is just too much fucking homework and I can't do it all in time damn. But you this is like the longest I've ever wrote about my feelings because I had a fear of some reading this but whatever. I don't care no more. I really will become a scared little pussy. But whatever if some does find this ill just end my embarrassment and end it with a knife through my throat or a blade through my heart I don't care as long as I get out of this earthly hell. For now I'll try to live it out and keep striving for __________ hope it works out well. Im kinda tired so I guess ill go get something to drink or eat or something. Also Ill leave the name blank so that she wont find out. :) Also this is a way to relive stress... go a head rip on me I don't care.
Writing Log November 22, 2009